Sat K’s Top Stories of 2019

As the year began, the term ‘Allies’ became part of our social language. The term refers to anyone who doesn’t have the problem that someone else has and can’t stand being left out.

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Traffic safety continued to be an issue as we try to jam more and more vehicles into less and less space. Figuring out the traffic signs can be particularly daunting.

During a New Year’s blizzard, a frustrated driver on a congested on/off ramp gave up trying to figure out the traffic sign. He pulled his car over onto the shoulder and started to walk away. Before he left though, he took a picture of the sign.

The sign featured three diagrams. The one on the right showed a two lane route with an S-curve. The middle one showed three lanes looping in a full circle. The left one showed two lanes dividing up and heading back towards the other two.

He sent a copy of the picture to the Department of Highways asking “When you made this sign, didn’t anyone see a problem here?”

The Department of Highways sent him back a picture of a bus.

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Last February, a man in Manitoba defended his chronic absenteeism from work on the grounds of Patriotism. He claimed that there are now so many national sports teams at so many levels that he just couldn’t support them all and still have time to work.

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The sport of Mixed Doubles Curling continues to gain popularity with young people.  Mixed Doubles lets one male and one female curl together as a team. Curling officials advertise it as the perfect date. Young men are assured to “get their rocks off”. And the young women can scream at their partner to “Sweep! Sweep!” and “Hurry! Harder!”

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On this year’s religious front, Creationists have admitted that they do have at least one thing in common with Scientists. Both try to prove the science wrong.

However, the difference is that if the Scientist, after copious testing and retesting, cannot prove that their suspicions are wrong, they assume they are right. The Creationists, on the other hand, assume that if the scientists can’t prove themselves wrong, then there’s something wrong with the testing.

The Creationists further added that if scientists just accepted that the Creationist’s are right, they would get along just fine.

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By the Spring, several prominent sports personalities had lost their jobs due to accusations of years past incidents ranging from racial slurs to physical and verbal abuse and just being downright mean. Just another example of ‘it’s never too late to get even’.

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As summer got underway, police captured a notorious white supremacist. They found him naked and hairless trying to evade detection by hiding in front of a totally white wall. Upon his release, he vowed to start a new organization – The Brotherhood of the ‘kind of pale orangey-pink’.

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There was a little confusion at a Federally-sponsored Summer Solstice Conference on Indigenous Rights when a person from the audience innocently pointed out that the word “indigenous” is a “European” language term used to describe a “European” concept that was not shared by people now calling themselves “Indigenous”. The person was escorted out of the building.

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And in a related story, CBC Radio again won a national ‘Inclusion’ award for its continuing attacks on WHMs (white heterosexual males). In accepting the award, the head of CBC stated that they wouldn’t give up the fight until there were no WHM’s left on the planet. At the current rate, he expects this to occur by 2025.

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Despite the efforts of various levels of government, gun violence continued to escalate in Canada. One expert explained the problem like this – “Some people just want to shoot other people!”

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In the fall, the financial sector went abuzz about fears for a recession in 2020. Their fears are that they may not make enough money out of one.

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Plebiscites continued to create concern. The continuing problem with plebiscites is that they oversimplify complex problems. Heck, even the word itself is too hard to spell.

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Finally, despite yearning to get paid to snowboard or to play with computers, young people in Canada once again found that the most available jobs were for flipping burgers and asking whether people wanted to upgrade to a meal deal.

And they faced stiff competition even for those jobs … from Seniors.

After buying into conservative anti-union rhetoric for decades, many older workers are finally realizing that investing in personal RRSPs isn’t equal to having an actual pension.

One investment firm mailing clerk expressed her fears about the future by writing on the client’s year-end investment statements – “You want fries with that?”

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Have the year you are going to have!

Sat  K (One of the Possible Ks)

Sat Ks Monthly – December, 2016

Welcome to Sat K’s Monthly,

a satirical slant on our silly society.

Sat K’s Monthly is meant for a mature audience. Mature excludes anyone who believes that the “experts” at the so-called Think Tanks are objective scientists when they are actually “paid spin-doctors”. I’m just saying.

Where Are We Coming From

For security reasons, we move around alot.

Sat K’s Monthly could be coming from virtually anywhere in the world or anywhere in the virtual world.

Like this episode may be coming from the streets of a large Canadian city.

We could be coming from Canada’s largest city. Here, visible minorities are treated to a hands-on approach to policing. Certain officers will make sure that you feel noticed. They’ll also help you to keep track of your belongings by asking you to empty your pockets right there on the street. And, if you can’t remember your name, all you have to do is ask one of these officers. They will have a card with your name on it somewhere in their records.

And you don’t have to be doing anything to receive such service. In fact most people aren’t doing anything when these officers stop them for a chat.

Actually we could be coming from any major Canadian city as we take advantage of their free camping offers. If you get tired or have no place else to go, you can just lie down on the sidewalk and have a nap. Nobody will stop you. They’ll just step over you and be on their way. Some people camp out like this for days, weeks, months, even years. They just take their place as one of our invisible minorities.

You’ll also find that prostitution is legal on the streets of Canada. However, asking for or offering it isn’t legal, even if you are Canadian polite and say please! What you have to do instead is wrap a twenty-dollar bill around a cup of hot Tim Horton’s coffee. Then walk up to a hooker and tell her you’ll give her the coffee and your mittens if is she will give you a hand!

 

We May have the product for you!

And say, are you one of those people who just don’t want to hear the other side of political arguments?

Well we may have the product for you. It’s our high-tech, state of the art, top quality yet affordable “STFU Audio Content Changer”.

Just attach STFU to your TV, radio or computer device. Next, set the playback to whichever of our pre-packaged political speeches that you prefer. Then anytime the news comes on or someone starts talking politics, whatever they are saying will be replaced by ideas that you like to hear.

Don’t take chances. Other people’s opinions will just lead you astray.

Buy STFU today and we will send you absolutely free one of our personalized “Buy-a-judge” Constitution Interpretation audio books. Just like in real life, you can find a judge to interpret the constitution anyway you see fit.

STFU and the “Buy-a-judge” audio book, guns and bullets sold separately.

This month’s “Could have been News!”:

Citizens of all political stripes were overjoyed today when the legislative assemblies unanimously passed an omnibus bill requiring balanced reporting on the issues, the end of attack ads during political campaigns, proportional representation to make sure that all voices are heard, limits on individual and special interest group campaign funding, and respect for the individual and collective rights of all … As if!

Call to Action –

Supporting Sat Ks Cause of the Month

This month’s support opportunity for you loyal Satirical K followers arises from the continuing surge in religious intolerance.

We believe that peaceful dialogue doesn’t work. Answering violence with violence doesn’t work. Starting alternative faiths or hybrid faiths doesn’t work.

Our buttons work!

Yes, we have the button for you!

And what do our buttons say? They say “Sorry, but all of you are wrong!”

Yes, Sat K says if you can’t beat them, piss them off to no end!

Send for a package of “Sorry, but all of you are wrong!” buttons today. Then start giving them out at Mosques, Synagogues, Temples, Churches, Assembly Halls, Bingo Halls, anywhere committed religious folks are known to congregate (but not the Salvation Army, they actually do some good!)

Just send us 10 percent of all your current and future earnings. Then go out and get irritating.

This Month’s Comic Strip

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So that’s it for this issue of Sat K’s Monthly,

just one part of The Possible Ks family.

 

For Satire, Seriousness and Something To Think About, come to Kevin Allan McGill The Possible Ks